I did not spend the night at my parents house on Saturday, even though I knew we would have to get up super early to trek it back 45 minutes to church. I then did not realize, when I woke up and finished my shower, that I did not have any clean underwear. My husband would never suggest I borrow a pair of my sixteen year old brother's underwear. He then did not go on to tell me that I was not allowed to wear my previous said underwear, due to the "shower" rule. (Shower Rule - Once you take a shower, you must wear new underwear...if you don't shower, you may wear your previous days, dirty (ahem!) underwear.) He would never tell me that he would not be showering, therefore, he would be wearing his underwear...that would just be gross. I did not go commando to church. Who would do that? Of course I would find some sort of fig leaves and McGuyver them into a very respectable undergarment.
We then did not go to Home Depot to try to find Mr B's brother and nephew a gift because we are all out of money, but had a little bit of "money" on the Home Depot Consumer Card. We did not wander around for an hour looking for something that would be suitable. We didn't end up calling his side of the family and move Christmas out seven days to New Years Day, just so we could have one more pay day to buy gifts. We did not leave Home Depot with $70 worth of stuff and no presents.
When I did get home with our Christmas pictures and Santa pictures, I did not open my Christmas scrapbook to find dried out sugar cookie dough smashed between the pages leaving huge grease spots. I would never give my children cookie dough and they would certainly not put it in a book that means so much to me. My kids are perfect angels, halo's and all.
Speaking of my angelic children, I did not go into the kitchen to find my first born son dunking my Coach bag into the dogs water bowl. I did not freak out because I am the epitome of the role model parent. I of course calmly took my overpriced purse, sifted through the myriad of ink stained, non-readable Christmas receipts, and magically restored them to perfect reading condition. Not that I will need the receipts...China is known for their quality toys. Shew, dodged a bullet there.
All this in one day...God bless Sundays.