Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Now It's His Turn

Mr B woke up this morning visibly upset. It followed him through his morning routine until I asked what was wrong. "I dreamt you cheated on me."

So I guess Satan has turned his attention but has not changed his strategy. He is so clever. I think I am more upset that Mr B is upset than I was with the dreams myself. Tricky, very tricky. But alas, he will not pull us apart. We are dedicated and determined, even through the tough stuff.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature, and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4.

To tell you the truth, I think we are a better couple when we are going through trials together. It is making us stronger as a couple and we rely more on God. So I am stepping forward and considering all of Satan's ill fated plans, pure joy!

Saturday, March 28, 2009


So last night I had a really awful nightmare. I dreamt that the lady my husband had the six week affair with (not the other) called his phone. I answered it and told her that he didn't want anything to do with her. He was in love with me and we were making our family work. We screamed back and forth at each other and then she tells me that she has had his baby. A little girl.

I broke down, lost my mind. Have you ever woken up devastated? In my dream, I decided I couldn't do it again and I was leaving. Taking my kids away from their father because I didn't have the strength to live with another child that wasn't mine. To deal with another woman who had been most intimate with my husband. The pain was unbearable.

So why am I writing about this? Because it hasn't left me. I think about that dream and it takes me back to that place of hopelessness. But you know what? I know it's Satan. I know that he is a master at what he does. He knows my deepest fears and the best way to prey on them.

So I am lifting my head up and crying out to God. He has to be the one to protect me from Satan. I am learning that. I can't do that on my own and I have to stop thinking I can. My significance is only because I am made in the image of Him. He is my rock, but sometimes, I think I trip over it instead of standing on it. Working on it... :)

Friday, March 27, 2009

His Attitude ~ Chapter 20

1. Does your husband frequently have a bad attitude or is he usually even-tempered and cheerful? Explain. Without his meds, my husband is a different person. He lives in a place full of sorrow and hopelessness for seemingly no reason. When he is on his meds, I could be around him all the time. His smiles are endless and his laughter is musical. He is mostly always on his meds and tried to always have a good attitude.

2. Do events of the day affect your husband's attitude, or is he able to rise above them and cast his cares on the Lord with ease? Explain. If it's about work, its hard for him to let go, but eventually he does. I believe it's just his human side showing through. The more he relies on God, the more work he sees Him doing, the easier it is for him to let go next time.

3. Do you react to negativity in your husband? How so? Do you immediately go to the Lord in prayer about it? How could you respond more positively?????? Especially now, yes. With my diet comes grouchiness, which has nothing to do with him and everything to do with my own lack of patience. I am really working on "slow to anger", but its a tough one for me.

4. Has your husband's attitude affected you as a person? How so? Have negative attitudes been brought in you as a result of his reactions? Explain. In the past with the affair, yes. But now, his giving attitude has really been shining through and it is helping to make me a better person. I am a better person because of him.

5. Has your husband's attitude affected your marriage in a negative way or a positive way? Explain. How could you pray about that? Like I said before, once he decide to get back on his meds (after the affair) it was the best part of our marriage. It's like we have two haves of our marriage. Before and during the affair was hell on earth and I suffered alone while trying to take care of our children and then now...I LOVE our marriage and I am deeply in love with him.

6. Read 1 Corinthians 13:2 Does your husband have a full knowledge of the love of God? Do you feel he has truly experienced God's love in his life? Have you? Explain. How could you pray about that? For his family, he does. As for others including those who give him strife, he doesn't (but how many of us do?). I can see that he is working on it. Sometimes I remind him to be compassionate. I do see him growing.

7. Read Proverbs15:13 In light of this Scripture, how could you pray for your husband's attitude? I can pray for him to not let sorrow dwell in his heart. I think though, that this is a problem more for me. Sometimes, I tend to dwell in the past and that is a place of hurt, not of hope. I need to be snapping out of those spells faster than I am because all it is is damaging to me and our relationship.

9. Read Matthew 12:35 Do you see good things or bad things come out of your husband's attitude? How can you use this Scripture to pray over your husband? I can pray that he is able to see the good and bring forth the good in all situations. I only want good for him. His successes are my successes.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Sick Kiddos

So, let me confess...I am neglecting my cherished blog. The blog police should come over and take it away from me, giving it to a REAL family. One that would cherish it, conversate with it, and keep it thriving. I love my blog, I really do, but I am addicted to Craigs List. Its a problem people. If you really want to see what I've been up to, go here and you can see all my posts listed under "Gods Country". Warning - If you want to legalize pot or would march on Washington for the right to "choose" and you like me, don't go there...I warned you.

Anyway, we have been sick over here. The boys are having breathing treatments and even now as I type, I am holding my poor Raef in my lap with a 102 temperature. We just can't get well over here. It doesn't help that last Saturday we were wearing shorts and this Saturday its supposed to snow. Yuck! I hate snow.

No more word on the job, which is ok with me. Mr B is having a rough time at work. No backup and no help. He's getting weary and so are my knees. I know God's plan is the best, but we are seeing a lot of Satan lately. I am glad at least that God has given us the ability to know its the Devil. That helps tremendously.

I don't know if I told you last time, but I have lost 11 pounds! I actually fit in a size medium swim suit bottom at Victoria's Secret. Did you know they have Miracle Bra swim suits? Helps girls like me who are very Pear shaped. I just want to even things up, you know? Still have that gosh darn cellulite. Blast it! If I had the "g's" I would go have it all smoothed out. They can do that right? Well, I am sure I could find someone who would try...maybe in a strip mall in Brazil...

My jackets came in from Tracy Porter. They are really cute. I am going to wear the opera jacket to the Britney Spears concert next Thursday. Is it funny I am going to see her lip synch? Is it even funnier that I spent a LOT of money on the ticket? No, its not funny, its sad. So I am going to get the most out of it. Wear some Abercrombie, make an "I love Brit Brit" shirt nd scream like a 14 year old girl! It's going to be the best...Is it sad that I am really excited?

Ok, I must go...I promise to write more often. God bless you all!

Monday, March 16, 2009

I'm Alive!

Thank you all who emailed me concerned. Yes, I am alive. We have been so busy over here. We are looking into swapping houses, so that is keeping us on our toes.

I can't remember if I said anything, but I was interviewing for a job. The interview went really well, but I never heard back from them and that's ok with me. I told God to take it away from me if I wasn't supposed to have it.

The kids met the other this weekend. I had them call her "Miss Other" and they were very sweet. It was a hard moment for me, but I was proud of them. We have also been asked to watch the baby for 5 days. I am not sure how I feel about it, so I am praying. Hopefully I will gladly take it on, but the anxiety is there.

March madness has begun and the craziness ensues. We (and by "we" I mean Mr B) is consumed by all things KU. If you don't watch basketball, they won the entire tournament last year, so there are high hopes this year. Can't wait til April.

My dad lost his job last week. A job he loves. He's crushed. They replaced him with two people...does that make sense to anyone else? He's sad...if you could say a little prayer, it would be truly appreciated.

I have been neglecting my blog...dare I say, giving my attention to another? That darn Craig is always pulling me away. I find myself checking the politics section on my Blackberry. Kind of a mental release being able to talk to adults and argue discuss relevant news. I find it quite liberating. I went out on Saturday night with Mr B and some friends and I found myself sober (as usual) and talking Fair Tax with our drunk friend Dan. I convinced him to go to a rally with me. I'm sure he'll remember when I call him up and make him stick to his promise. :)

So that's to get caught up on everyone else.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

So What's Been Going On?

Here's the skinny...

Saturday - The baby came to the house and it went well. I was trying to get him to smile (never succeeded) so I taught him how to jump off the stairs into my arms. He wanted to do it again and again, so I know he was having fun. He may have also called me 'Ma-ma' but I'm not sure. Mr B gave him a hair cut and then the other came over to pick him up. Mr B let her in the house and I came out and said hello...with a smile. So that's a big step for me. There must be a lot of you out there praying for me because this weekend brought very little anxiety...

Mr B is being threatened at work...with a gun...for his life. Yeah, that's pretty scary. He fired two employees (high seniority, union employees) for threatening other employees and now it's going around that they have a gun with his name on it. They are unstable which makes it even more terrifying. I had pastor pray for us after church. That helped my panic.

Mr B and I are going to Mexico for a week in May! We should have paid off a credit card, but I think it was either Mexico or therapy...I choose Mexico. Plus we got a great and I mean great deal. If anyone wants to come along, shoot me an email :).

I am being interviewed for a job in Miami. I will get to work from home, but may have to go down there once a month for three to four days. I don't know if I like that, so I am asking God to help me with this decision. We cold certainly use the money, but with the healing from the affair and my kids being so little, I don't know if it's a good idea to be away.

I've lost seven pounds! I am in search for a bikini...maybe to keep my motivation up or maybe because I left my old one at a hotel last year. Stinks cause I really liked that suit, but I never need a reason to shop.

That's all I can think of at this time. Have a great day!


Here's my recipe for the Showdown:

Chicken Enchilada Casserole

3-4 chicken breasts (or 6 Halves)
1 (10 ounce) can cream of mushroom soup
1 (10 ounce) can cream of chicken soup
1 (8 ounce) can diced green chilies (hot or mild, or a small can of each)
1 (10 ounce) package cheddar cheese grated
1 small onion, diced
1 tablespoon oregano
1 tablespoon garlic poweder
1 teaspoon salt
12 corn tortillas or flour tortillas (I tear them up for easier serving)
16 ounces sour cream
optional: 1 Chipolte with sauce, diced

1. Place Chicken in large saucepan and cover with water.
2. Sprinkle in oregano, add garlic powder and salt.
3. Boil about 20 minutes and shred from bones.
4. Save broth.
5. Mix soups, sour cream, onion & chiles in large pan (and chipolte if desired).
6. Add only enough broth to slightly thin.
7. Re-season as needed.
8. Simmer on low 15 minutes.
9. Add chicken.
10. In casserole dish, arrange 6 Tortillas flat across bottom, spoon in 1/2 the sauce, sprinkle 1/2 the cheese.
11. Repeat- Tortillas, sauce and cheese.
12. Bake in 350 degree oven for 20 minutes.

Seven Months




Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Two Things You Never Talk About

Well today, I am talking about one because the more I find out about it, the angrier I get.

I want to start out by saying I didn't vote for Obama. I did vote for McCain, but was extremely unhappy about it. I am not a republican, but a conservative. I believe in personal responsibility and as a Christian I believe that you must love your neighbor as yourself.

Did you know Congress just gave themselves an extra $93,000 for petty cash EACH?!? Did you know Congress just got an automatic raise? They each make $174,000/ year for a three day work week?

So onto this stimulus bill, again, nonpartisan because I didn't like it when Bush did it either, but the more I learn, the more heated I become. So here are a few facts:

  • Did you know the stimulus bill will only put 3% of the total cost into the economy this year? How does 3% stimulate an economy?*
  • Did you know the stimulus bill has set aside $1 billion for Amtrak? This is a federal railroad that hasn't turned a profit in 40 years.*
  • Did you know the stimulus bill gives ACORN, which is under investigation in more than a dozen states, $4.9 billion in this bill?*

Do you know how much 787 billion is? If you counted 1 second for every $1, it would take you 31 years, 251 days, 7 hours, 46 minutes, and 39 seconds to count to ONE billion. Now multiply that by 787. It would take over 25,000 years. So here we are, borrowing this money to "stimulate" the economy, but what we are really doing is robbing our children and their children for generations to come.

I am by no means rich. We live paycheck to paycheck, but I don't ever expect the government to swoop in and save me.

People say, "Oh but giving a little bit of my money to help the poor is ok with me." But did you know:

  • The bottom 50% of Americans pay 3% of all income tax. **
  • Bottom 40% pay NOTHING **
  • The top 5% of Americans paid 60% of all income tax.**
  • The top 1% make 21% of the total adjusted gross income, but pay 40% of the entire tax burden**

The problem is, we aren't GIVING our money, it's being stolen. I hate my money being given taken by the government. They are so wasteful and most politicians don't care about a cause unless it helps their campaign in some way.

"You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." ~ The late Dr. Adrian Rogers, 1931 - 2005

Buried in the Department of the Treasury’s 2003 Financial Report of the United States Government is a short section titled “Unreconciled Transactions Affecting the Change in Net Position,” which explains that these unreconciled transactions totaled $24.5 billion in 2003. The unreconciled transactions are funds for which auditors cannot account: The government knows that $25 billion was spent by someone, somewhere, on something, but auditors do not know who spent it, where it was spent, or on what it was spent. Blaming these unreconciled transactions on the failure of federal agencies to report their expenditures adequately, the Treasury report concludes that locating the money is “a priority.” The unreconciled $25 billion could have funded the entire Department of Justice for an entire year.** *

Do you know how much good $25 billion dollars could do? It would only cost $20 billion to get safe drinking water to EVERYONE IN THE WORLD! But that money is gone. Government can’t account for it. Why should anyone want to give them more money? You should be outraged. Everyone should be outraged.

Here is another reason I am so outraged. Obama and Biden are making it seem like the wealthy are stepping on the little guy. Like the wealthy just don't pay enough to help, so don't you think if they wanted to help the poor so much, they would be big charity donors? Before Obama ran for Senate, he gave less than 1% of his money to charity.**** Joe Biden gave less than 0.35%.***** So maybe his motives are questionable.

So here's what I want, no more income taxes for anyone. I will gladly give my money to a charity that will do 10x the good the government could do with it. If you are interested, please check out This tax would eliminate all corporate and income taxes and put a larger sales tax in place. It would require all people who get paid illegally or under the table to contribute to the general fund. If your a drug dealer, you pay in. If your an illegal alien, you pay in. If you have more money and buy more stuff, you pay in more. It would also help more jobs come to America because we would no longer have the second highest corporate tax rate in the world. It's good for everyone except the politicians because they will lose a lot of their power. Just take a look.