Thursday, February 5, 2009

Things I Am Learning

So, over the last few days, I think I have made some real breakthroughs in the way I think.

  1. If I am in the midst of Fear, Frustration or Fatigue, I am a million times more likely to make a bad decision. These are the times Satan really focuses on tempting me. He knows that I am weak and more likely to do whatever is easiest which is usually involves sinning.

  2. Feelings lie. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier to just leave. I wouldn't have to deal with the other or the baby anymore, I could maybe find someone who is the "right" one for me. What my heart doesn't tell me is the incredible pain it would put my children in. The pain I would have to see Mr B dating, loving, marrying another. The separation I would face when the kids went with Mr B for the weekend. It wouldn't be easier, in fact, it could very well destroy lives. I am staying.

  3. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Yeah, this has been around forever, but I just got it. The things I learn when I just shut my mouth. I recently read that people don't like to sit in silence. It is uncomfortable, so whenever two people are together and there is prolonged silence, usually the woman will try and fill the void. I've noticed Mr B telling me more things just to fill in the silence.

  4. God knows what He is doing and sometimes you just have to wait for things to play out. Be still, and know that I am God ~ Psalm 46:10 - so true. He has everything in His hands and sometimes processes have to be gone through to get to the result. It's hard for me because I want everything in this instant. I am really working on patience. With my kids, with my husband and mostly, with God.

  5. Showing self control shows God and others that I am serious and in the long run, I can be trusted. Like I said before, I want everything that feels good and I can get right now. Whether its eating a big bowl of ice cream, even though I am on a diet or controlling my temper, I want to be like Christ and His self control was immense. I am striving to keep myself in check. When I exhibit self control, I tend to be able to hear the Holy Spirit more clearly.

  6. I need to work on myself before I point out other's flaws. I am not perfect, far from it, but I have a tendency to see what everyone around me is doing wrong...I don't ever really point it out to them, but I do say things in my head...maybe making myself feel better that "at least I'm not doing that". In order for me to be a good representative of Christ, I need to always be loving, look to the good, and be an example. I want to draw people in, not push them away with self righteousness. Mr B and I have a tendency to talk between ourselves..."can you believe that so -and-so did this or that", "so-and-so is headed for trouble" (so lets watch the train wreck). Instead, as I work on myself, I need to be supportive and pray for these people. Its God's business to change their heart, not mine.

So there you go. Hopefully in the next few weeks, months, years, I can make some real strides. Life has been scary lately...but I know God cares and He will work it all out for good.


Mom on a Coulee said...

You have so much strength and insight. You have grown so much and you continue to grow. You are an amazing woman, I am so privileged to call you friend.

heidi said...

Good for you for actually learning something through this awful, rotten process. I can tell you, though, it took almost a year for me to stop thinking that I might leave. I had to keep persevering because Satan just kept attacking.

Remember: Love never Fails.

Praying for you, girlie.

Tranquility said...

Hmmm... yup, I need to work on number 6 especially myself! Definitely.

Ang said...

I agree with's awesome that you are growing thru this terrible time:) You will be such a stronger woman because of this. God will reward your faithfulness. Love ya!!!!!