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Thursday, February 19, 2009

Clarity

I want you all to know that I have forgiven the other. Maybe sometimes it doesn't seem like I have, but I did forgive her a long time ago. It doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt and it doesn't mean that I want to be her best friend, it just means that I have relinquished her from the wrath of my heart.

I pray for the other every night. I pray for her boys and her family. I wish no ill towards her. This all being said, when she does present herself as a threat to my family (child abuse allegations, flirting with my husband, etc) I do stand up to protect. I don't believe God wants us to cower towards evil or evil promoted deeds. The second woman who cheated with Mr B and they actually had a relationship (instead of a one night stand like the other) I harbor no ill feelings. Even though she told me the day I found out that "You obviously can't fulfill his needs like I do" and such horrible things, I have been given the time and the space to completely heal from that. With the other, its not the same.

So my goal now is to not only heal from the pain, but to love her and love her like Jesus does. It's a tall order and will most likely take some time, but it is my end goal.

Out of this whole situation, I have learned tremendous compassion. Compassion for others who even though they may have put themselves in bad situations, if they are trying to claw their way out, my respect is immense for them. It used to be that I felt they were getting what they deserved, the consequences to their actions, but now I see the amount of strength it takes to grow out of a painful circumstance.

I hope you all see in me that even though I have hard days, even though I am not always perfect, I am striving to be the person God wants and will be proud of.

I come to my blog many times in a pit of despair to get the pain off my heart and say things to my friends that I can not say to my husband due to the hurt it might cause. The encouraging words do wonders for me and I hope you will still comment and give me feedback.

You all are a great pillar of support and I hope I helped to clarify where I am. Thanks for coming along on my struggle with me.

5 comments:

Daberath said...

Mrs. B you are truly amazing. You are able to take something horrible and turn it into something good. I know God has great things in store for you. You are SO very faithful to His word and His call in your life. I truly admire your strength and courage through all you have been through. Keep holding your head high friend. I look forward to seeing you richly blessed for your faithfulness. I am glad this blog is a safe harbor for you. I love reading your words and lifting you up in prayer, it has been an honor. Hope you and your kiddos are having a blessed day :)

Daberath said...

If someone critized you for not being Christian enough, they obviously have no idea what it is like to be a Christian and allow God to lead and direct their life. If someone is trying to LOVE the person their husband cheated on them with, that is an act of God. In and of yourself, you would not be able to forgive and let yourself love that person....its not human nature. Keep letting God work through you, let him lead your life. Do not allow the devil to let people tell you any different. You ARE doing the right thing and those of us who can see God working through you are here to encourage you all the way through. Much love and prayers coming your way!

Ang said...

My thoughts exactly!!!!!! Daberath you couldn't have said it any better. You keep your head high, and know that God working thru you will only bring good and make you stronger for it. Strife comes in all of our lives and although this is easier said than done...you ARE doing what the bible tells you to do..I love you and pray for you every single day!!! I can't wait to meet you one day..if not here, in heaven..who knows we have may have mansions side by side..but God knows my heart and he has a sense of humor and mine will have a fridge stocked full of mountain dews and it will be air conditioned :)

Ang said...

Hey just checking on you!! Hope you are having a wonderful day :) (((HUGS)))

Tranquility said...

Hang in there!