Fear & Anxiety

Update: He called...I feel so much better. :)

I sit here tonight waiting for my husband to come home. He is usually off of work about now, but with the holidays coming up, he works later. I have called him several times and he hasn't picked up. I am sure he is super busy trying to get everyone out, especially on a Friday night, but it still gives me a rush of anxiety. You see a little over a year ago, I found out my husband had had an affair...two, two affairs and I had no clue. I may tell the story one day, but not today. I am not in a place to rehash it now. I am just merely trying to get through it alive. We are a much different couple today than we were then. We are happier than we have ever been, go to church every week, and "work" at our marriage. I love us now, but still wish it wouldn't have happened. Which brings me back to tonight. The fact that the phone rings and goes to voicemail gives me a shot of adrenaline that puts me in a state of panic. I am that lonely, lost wife I was a year ago. I hate being so vulnerable. I wish I could just push it away. Just take a little white pill and drift off to sleep, but I know I need to feel the pain to get through it. I also have three bundles of joy running around who need a mommy to keep them out of the baby soap...ok, they did pour baby soap on the carpet when I was watching them. I am such a good mom! :) So I will ask God for grace each moment I need it and I know He will sustain me. Thank you Lord for you comforting arms. Hopefully Mr B will call soon...I will let you know!

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. - Isaiah 43:1