So last night I had a really awful nightmare. I dreamt that the lady my husband had the six week affair with (not the other) called his phone. I answered it and told her that he didn't want anything to do with her. He was in love with me and we were making our family work. We screamed back and forth at each other and then she tells me that she has had his baby. A little girl.
I broke down, lost my mind. Have you ever woken up devastated? In my dream, I decided I couldn't do it again and I was leaving. Taking my kids away from their father because I didn't have the strength to live with another child that wasn't mine. To deal with another woman who had been most intimate with my husband. The pain was unbearable.
So why am I writing about this? Because it hasn't left me. I think about that dream and it takes me back to that place of hopelessness. But you know what? I know it's Satan. I know that he is a master at what he does. He knows my deepest fears and the best way to prey on them.
So I am lifting my head up and crying out to God. He has to be the one to protect me from Satan. I am learning that. I can't do that on my own and I have to stop thinking I can. My significance is only because I am made in the image of Him. He is my rock, but sometimes, I think I trip over it instead of standing on it. Working on it... :)